CONFIDENCE ISN’T AS ADVERTISED
Approaching the end of my annual sojourn of immersing myself more in Nature than the “real world”, I thought I’d learned quite a lot about both. An encounter with a loon, an advert, a gadget and bedroom slippers put a kink in my confidence-cum-conceit.
The loon was one of those delightful, serendipitous moments that are the reward for quiet paddling and patience.
He/she was moving equally slowly across an open expanse of water. I drifted to within a couple of paddle lengths when the bird suddenly turned towards me and raised its wings.
I clicked off three quick frames, then dipped my paddle to back off a bit, confident that I’d made it clear I wasn’t a threat.
In fact, I’d misread the action completely.
But more on that later.
My more serious error was not realising that decades of private angst over and efforts to build and maintain self-confidence have apparently been a waste of time.
A barrage of adverts that erupts every time I open my preferred online news websites informed me that all I really needed was a tee shirt, slippers and a home x‑ray gadget.
The tee shirts are cheaper if you order more than one, and apparently one is sold “every five seconds”. But then, the benefits include: Hides “dadbod” belly…Goodbye manboobs.. Look more muscular…all of which…Boosts confidence.
The oleo of mangled tenses are a sure sign it wasn’t written by anyone in the age group at which it’s aimed.
There’s no fine print health warning, which even my cursory acquaintance with modern sensibilities tells me the retailers are leaving themselves wide open to appearing more sexist than a Donald Trump or J.D. Vance stump speech, to say nothing of charges of ageism.
The tee shirts are touted as “skims for men”. I had to look up the term, and discovered that skims for women are garments that push boobs up and make them more obvious.
Moobs (short for manboobs in case you didn’t know) are proof (if it was needed) of how pernicious Nature can be, especially when it comes to the effects of aging on moobs and boobs.
It’s like hair. Ours migrates to nose and ears. Women start growing it on their chins.
Or so I’m told.
One of the benefits of getting older is that you learn enough to know that mentioning the effects of aging in mixed company is the unspoken fourth in the list of things Peanuts character Linus noted that it’s a bad idea to discuss, the others being religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
If that feels like too much to deal with, you definitely do not need the “unbelievably bizarre gift nobody to would think of”. That’s because by using it, “….your entire body gets scanned and analyzed with 4 precision sensors that see 14 important health metrics…” including “body fat percentage”.
ALL YOU NEED IS
Billy Joel once sang that for the new fashion: “All you need are looks and a whole lotta money…”. Now you don’t even need the looks, just lash out 900 dollars for a pair of slippers — as in the bedroom variety — and then wear them in the street.
But guess what: “In addition to being comfortable, slippers project confidence when worn outdoors, some fans find — a sense of proudly defying convention.”
No mention is made of the possibility that paying that much for a pair of slippers also projects a total lack of common sense.
And that’s another concept that seems to be confused with a lack of confidence.
Common sense comes with age, not money. I’d rather pay 900 dollars for several pairs of glasses (the more you have the easier it is to find a pair when you need them) than on a pair of slippers, even if they are made in “silk jacquard”.
Common sense (and a hard-earned awareness of how much easier it is to fall as you age), means I don’t go up or down stairs without my hand on or near a railing.
I ride my mountain bike a lot slower over rough ground than I used to, and avoid spots on trails that I used to treat as a challenge. That’s not a lack of confidence, it’s an awareness that the potential damage and recovery time from even a minor fall will be significantly higher than it was a few years ago .I don’t like it, but age and injuries have afforded me enough measure of wisdom to accept reality.
Another way of seeking confidence is the modern form of the American theologian and ethicist, Reinhold Niebuhr’s “Prayer for Serenity”: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”But then, he didn’t have the benefit of tee shirts or silly-price slippers.
Which brings me back to the loon.
The bird wasn’t startled or frightened. Quite the contrary.
It was preparing to lift up and preen, a form of feather maintenance.
That’s the kind of confidence money can’t buy.
And as an unconfident p.s. – the focus is less than sharp because the loon’s wings were flapping faster than I could adjust the camera’s shutter speed.
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7 thoughts on “CONFIDENCE ISN’T AS ADVERTISED”
This reminds me of a wacko book review I read recently: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/25/the-gospel-of-wellness-by-rina-raphael-review-bee-sting-therapy-jade-eggs-why-do-some-women-buy-it
Idiocy never ceases to amaze me.
I’m impressed that you are confident enough to open carry a camera on your canoe/kayak.
I keep it between my knees in a small, waterproof cooler bag.
As someone who took a tumble on his way to the gym recently, this essay really hit home with me.
I’m mending but slowly.
As someone who took a tumble on his way to the gym recently, this essay really hit home with me.
I’m mending but slowly.
Hope it wasn’t too serious